Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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