i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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