Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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