my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This is my life. Enjoy the view
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
