i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
