I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
where are my eyebrows?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
