HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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