she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
