He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i believe in u and ur pee
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
