Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
