Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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