And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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