i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
