You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
