the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
