tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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