toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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