I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
