so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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