areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
