Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
