nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
