So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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