is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My feet surprised me
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
