Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
