I met the friendliest cop last night
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
