if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
