there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
