Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
