none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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