Umm I'm too high to move.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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