I don't think brook has ever known best
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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