Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
