you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My ass is underappreciated
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
