If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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