I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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