I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
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The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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