really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
