this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
