This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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