I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
