Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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