i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
