dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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