Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals

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  (206): Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals http://tfl.nu/cfxk
  Replies (12) Good night (1452) Bad night (666)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old

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  (972): It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old http://tfl.nu/d8tm
  Replies (24) Good night (1004) Bad night (5438)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.

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  (207): I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole. http://tfl.nu/al7a
  Replies (16) Good night (941) Bad night (4122)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?

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  (614): Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit? http://tfl.nu/zum7
  Replies (35) Good night (1661) Bad night (5663)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives

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  (970): Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives http://tfl.nu/k0eh
  Replies (13) Good night (3638) Bad night (1164)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.

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  (702): Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog. http://tfl.nu/spgx
  Replies (8) Good night (1125) Bad night (5331)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.

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  (228): For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears. http://tfl.nu/udc5
  Replies (10) Good night (1824) Bad night (3186)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"

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  (613): Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night" http://tfl.nu/ts7x
  Replies (14) Good night (2626) Bad night (1142)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"

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  (843): It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?" http://tfl.nu/owjc
  Replies (3) Good night (885) Bad night (528)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.

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  (815): I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that. http://tfl.nu/ueu2
  Replies (1) Good night (634) Bad night (350)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.

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  (703): How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows. http://tfl.nu/x5bf
  Replies (3) Good night (431) Bad night (724)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.

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  (508): It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls. http://tfl.nu/yq0i
  Replies (1) Good night (904) Bad night (346)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.

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  (612): You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now. http://tfl.nu/ym19
  Replies (6) Good night (344) Bad night (804)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'

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  (647): you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world' http://tfl.nu/lq7t
  Replies (4) Good night (861) Bad night (245)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve

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  (203): I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve http://tfl.nu/dnsd
  Replies (4) Good night (272) Bad night (372)

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