Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.