Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.