Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  someone threw a dead crab at me

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  (805): someone threw a dead crab at me http://tfl.nu/za5q
  Replies (4) Good night (835) Bad night (1184)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.

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  (303): I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants. http://tfl.nu/0mqu
  Replies (10) Good night (644) Bad night (3560)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?

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  (614): Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy? http://tfl.nu/swws
  Replies (17) Good night (5342) Bad night (739)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?

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  (304): what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea? http://tfl.nu/0ytw
  Replies (9) Good night (1275) Bad night (4669)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again

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  (423): come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again http://tfl.nu/f993
  Replies (15) Good night (3808) Bad night (1532)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?

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  (908): just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign? http://tfl.nu/nghc
  Replies (20) Good night (5131) Bad night (913)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.

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  (510): He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again. http://tfl.nu/1fxb
  Replies (27) Good night (1245) Bad night (7666)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels

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  (330): i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels http://tfl.nu/84kp
  Replies (16) Good night (1232) Bad night (5376)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human

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  (650): Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human http://tfl.nu/6fr0
  Replies (4) Good night (2619) Bad night (1228)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Last night was just one giant freudian slip.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  You made out with EVERYBODY.

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Can I just bleach my life?

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  (702): Last night was just one giant freudian slip. (503): You made out with EVERYBODY. (702): Can I just bleach my life? http://tfl.nu/dy05
  Replies (3) Good night (1672) Bad night (559)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.

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  (505): Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit. http://tfl.nu/8do4
  Replies (5) Good night (914) Bad night (420)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?

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  (865): You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams? http://tfl.nu/qz0j
  Replies (8) Good night (1197) Bad night (314)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?

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  (805): Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered? http://tfl.nu/tgh3
  Replies (6) Good night (482) Bad night (777)
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.

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  (289): In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking. http://tfl.nu/ntm3
  Replies (13) Good night (393) Bad night (829)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  JESUS

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  (919): you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered. (1-919): JESUS http://tfl.nu/td1m
  Replies (3) Good night (984) Bad night (262)

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