I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.