WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b