I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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