So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
