Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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