just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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