I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
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My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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