Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
