I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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