I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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