69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
