Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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