its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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