I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You've changed since you got that strap on
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
