He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
