porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
