I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
tell me about the eggs
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
