This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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