I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
