Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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