After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
