In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Randomize
