Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
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In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
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I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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