What did we do last night that was yellow?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
