My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
