The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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