Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
