Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
